Lets try this blogging thing again. So much has been going on. WOW im shocked that I have survived it and made it this far. I have no choice to sink or swim. I have to swim.
Nicole and I are no longer friends. that relationship ended in July and boy it was hard at first, but now it feels so much better. To remove the toxic person from my life.
Now there is Julie we have been friends since 2005 when I got pg with Miss G. Over the years we have grown far apart. and it seems like we are just growing more and more apart. Shes working which is great for her, shes fighting her own battles. But I just feel that this relation is one that will slowly die out on its own. you know like when you leave a fire going and dont add more wood to the fire. it slowly dies out. I think we are at that end part. I have tried so many times to make it work. ITs a 2 person thing we both need to want it 100% and I just dont feel that she wants it that 100% like I do. We are older the kids are now 13 WOW where did the time go. Only time will tell. Hell its been 6 weeks and Carlos and Hubby are no longer working together. Carlos found a better job which is great. now time for hubby to do the same. part of me always has wondered if Julie hates me cause my hubby drinks so much, and when Carlos and my hubby are together they get out of hand with drinking. But for me hubby drunk is nothing new than everyday. AS hes not abusive or stupid. Hell one time he was so drunk he slept outside. ok that was a few times, and once he asked if we could have a racoon. Sometimes he dances with the broom, chair vacuum, hes a funny drunk. and Carlos seems to be about the same.
Leslie ~ She is hubbys daughter from a previous marriage, and well I cant say much about her, I found out about Leslie when she was about 5 hubby told me he had a daughter, a daughter who he has never ment, a daughter who he has only seen photos of, one who about a year ago I found on facebook, and he started to talk to her, she only calls when she wants money I wish we could help her out, I feel bad that he came here to give her and her mom a better life and found love here. I cant hate him for doing that. But I feel bad that Leslie never got to have the amazing dad that miss G got to have and gets to have. That was leslies moms fault not hubby. Well she gave hubby his first grandchild in June of 2019 Eithen is cute and we love him.
Im going to start blogging more maybe it will help me fight these demons. I have sever deression, and anixty and for some odd reason the last month its all been flairing up bad, the weird dreams are back, the night terrors are back and much more. I have bene in thereopy for 6 long years, i felt in march that it was time to stop it i have worked out all my problems, learned i can tell my parents NO, and not feel bad about it. I learned i can put up a wall and keep it up family friends or what not. I learned a lot, but it seems it might be time to go back. Something is going on again uggghhh will these demons ever leave me alone. they started once Miss G ( gen) was 6 months old. my body could not handle the extra hormones, and that is whats going on now.
Miss G Wow Guys shes 13 and started 8th grade today. Wow would have known if you told me 15 years ago that in 14 years i would have a 13 year old in 8th grade i would have laughed. as hubby and i treied for 7 long years, I gave up the thought of ever being a mommy and BAMMM 6 years 11 months 3 days short I found out we where going to be parents on my nieces 1st birthday.
House is cleaned i have had my 2 cups of coffee today and been working all morning. Guess i better get back to work . until next time. Hopefully Sooner than later.
No comments:
Post a Comment