Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Carrie
I miss you so much, I wish that you would get clean and stay clean, I would love to wish you to stay sober, but being clean is a start. Then we can work on our relationship again. I miss my bff. Carrie please do this for us.
its been a minute
Lets try this blogging thing again. So much has been going on. WOW im shocked that I have survived it and made it this far. I have no choice to sink or swim. I have to swim.
Nicole and I are no longer friends. that relationship ended in July and boy it was hard at first, but now it feels so much better. To remove the toxic person from my life.
Now there is Julie we have been friends since 2005 when I got pg with Miss G. Over the years we have grown far apart. and it seems like we are just growing more and more apart. Shes working which is great for her, shes fighting her own battles. But I just feel that this relation is one that will slowly die out on its own. you know like when you leave a fire going and dont add more wood to the fire. it slowly dies out. I think we are at that end part. I have tried so many times to make it work. ITs a 2 person thing we both need to want it 100% and I just dont feel that she wants it that 100% like I do. We are older the kids are now 13 WOW where did the time go. Only time will tell. Hell its been 6 weeks and Carlos and Hubby are no longer working together. Carlos found a better job which is great. now time for hubby to do the same. part of me always has wondered if Julie hates me cause my hubby drinks so much, and when Carlos and my hubby are together they get out of hand with drinking. But for me hubby drunk is nothing new than everyday. AS hes not abusive or stupid. Hell one time he was so drunk he slept outside. ok that was a few times, and once he asked if we could have a racoon. Sometimes he dances with the broom, chair vacuum, hes a funny drunk. and Carlos seems to be about the same.
Leslie ~ She is hubbys daughter from a previous marriage, and well I cant say much about her, I found out about Leslie when she was about 5 hubby told me he had a daughter, a daughter who he has never ment, a daughter who he has only seen photos of, one who about a year ago I found on facebook, and he started to talk to her, she only calls when she wants money I wish we could help her out, I feel bad that he came here to give her and her mom a better life and found love here. I cant hate him for doing that. But I feel bad that Leslie never got to have the amazing dad that miss G got to have and gets to have. That was leslies moms fault not hubby. Well she gave hubby his first grandchild in June of 2019 Eithen is cute and we love him.
Im going to start blogging more maybe it will help me fight these demons. I have sever deression, and anixty and for some odd reason the last month its all been flairing up bad, the weird dreams are back, the night terrors are back and much more. I have bene in thereopy for 6 long years, i felt in march that it was time to stop it i have worked out all my problems, learned i can tell my parents NO, and not feel bad about it. I learned i can put up a wall and keep it up family friends or what not. I learned a lot, but it seems it might be time to go back. Something is going on again uggghhh will these demons ever leave me alone. they started once Miss G ( gen) was 6 months old. my body could not handle the extra hormones, and that is whats going on now.
Miss G Wow Guys shes 13 and started 8th grade today. Wow would have known if you told me 15 years ago that in 14 years i would have a 13 year old in 8th grade i would have laughed. as hubby and i treied for 7 long years, I gave up the thought of ever being a mommy and BAMMM 6 years 11 months 3 days short I found out we where going to be parents on my nieces 1st birthday.
House is cleaned i have had my 2 cups of coffee today and been working all morning. Guess i better get back to work . until next time. Hopefully Sooner than later.
Nicole and I are no longer friends. that relationship ended in July and boy it was hard at first, but now it feels so much better. To remove the toxic person from my life.
Now there is Julie we have been friends since 2005 when I got pg with Miss G. Over the years we have grown far apart. and it seems like we are just growing more and more apart. Shes working which is great for her, shes fighting her own battles. But I just feel that this relation is one that will slowly die out on its own. you know like when you leave a fire going and dont add more wood to the fire. it slowly dies out. I think we are at that end part. I have tried so many times to make it work. ITs a 2 person thing we both need to want it 100% and I just dont feel that she wants it that 100% like I do. We are older the kids are now 13 WOW where did the time go. Only time will tell. Hell its been 6 weeks and Carlos and Hubby are no longer working together. Carlos found a better job which is great. now time for hubby to do the same. part of me always has wondered if Julie hates me cause my hubby drinks so much, and when Carlos and my hubby are together they get out of hand with drinking. But for me hubby drunk is nothing new than everyday. AS hes not abusive or stupid. Hell one time he was so drunk he slept outside. ok that was a few times, and once he asked if we could have a racoon. Sometimes he dances with the broom, chair vacuum, hes a funny drunk. and Carlos seems to be about the same.
Leslie ~ She is hubbys daughter from a previous marriage, and well I cant say much about her, I found out about Leslie when she was about 5 hubby told me he had a daughter, a daughter who he has never ment, a daughter who he has only seen photos of, one who about a year ago I found on facebook, and he started to talk to her, she only calls when she wants money I wish we could help her out, I feel bad that he came here to give her and her mom a better life and found love here. I cant hate him for doing that. But I feel bad that Leslie never got to have the amazing dad that miss G got to have and gets to have. That was leslies moms fault not hubby. Well she gave hubby his first grandchild in June of 2019 Eithen is cute and we love him.
Im going to start blogging more maybe it will help me fight these demons. I have sever deression, and anixty and for some odd reason the last month its all been flairing up bad, the weird dreams are back, the night terrors are back and much more. I have bene in thereopy for 6 long years, i felt in march that it was time to stop it i have worked out all my problems, learned i can tell my parents NO, and not feel bad about it. I learned i can put up a wall and keep it up family friends or what not. I learned a lot, but it seems it might be time to go back. Something is going on again uggghhh will these demons ever leave me alone. they started once Miss G ( gen) was 6 months old. my body could not handle the extra hormones, and that is whats going on now.
Miss G Wow Guys shes 13 and started 8th grade today. Wow would have known if you told me 15 years ago that in 14 years i would have a 13 year old in 8th grade i would have laughed. as hubby and i treied for 7 long years, I gave up the thought of ever being a mommy and BAMMM 6 years 11 months 3 days short I found out we where going to be parents on my nieces 1st birthday.
House is cleaned i have had my 2 cups of coffee today and been working all morning. Guess i better get back to work . until next time. Hopefully Sooner than later.
Thursday, March 21, 2019
just some random postgs from the other blog.
2019
tuesday
Gee where did the weekend go. Soon
spring break will start, and this momma is ready to stay home, I will be
busting my butt getting stock done for my big show come April 13th. I have been
working on stock, but it just does not feel like its enough. Now its down to
crunch time. if you are bored go check out www.facebook.com/genevievsboutique
feel free to share the page with your
friends and family. Its my little baby. Trying to get it up more and running.
But life keeps throwing me curve balls.
Sophie is Miss Gs cat
uggh that cat hates me. she lives outside, her choice. She only comes
home when she wants food. I'm a nice mom and buy Sophie food. I really should
not but oh well. Thank heaven she is fixed. Well in the last 2 weeks she got an
abscess from a cat fight, it got really infected, and Friday night miss G and I
where lucky enought o spend 6 hours at the Animal ER, just to get the cat taken
care of. I tried super hard to make Sophie an inside cat all weekend. that was
an epic fail. She would meow off the top of her lungs like shes dyeing, so we
gave up. She is now back outside, and comes home to get her meds, and love with
her food. I really feel bad, cause deep down I know she should be inside. but I
really can not deal with the loud I'm dyeing meow 24/7and on top off all that
it cost over $500.00 just to shave a small patch on the cat, stich her up, and
meds. I love dove Lewis hospital they have an amazing fund called Velvet and it
saved the cats butt. If you are local and ever want to donate to someone in
need check them out.
Carrie. . . . . .
We have been best friends since 1999. Wow that's a long time. I
love her and always will carry a peice of her in my heart. I have had to take
get another break from her. This time was the longest 9 months. She played me
right into her trap again. And told me ahe was clean and sober. I really
beleived her. I truated she finally was on the right path. I was so happy to
have her back. Boy that was all a lie. I had to let her go yet again. It never
gets easier. And this time I told her that we can only be friends and contact
me when shes sober. She repleyd back she will always love me. Hello I love you
to. I just dont want to be around the drinking carrie shes mean and hurtful.
Shes abusive. Ive had enough abuse as a child from my dad. It hurt to have to
say when your sober and stay sober contact me. I have to do whats beat for me.
I will always think of her. Carry a peice of her with me. We have been through
so many good and bad times together. For now shes just a memory sitting on the
shelf. Why does being the bigger peraon suck.
Walking
Who would have thought that I would enjoy walking. I used to
run. Cant no more due to all the damage of my knee. Ive been walking 3 days a
week with hubby oliver and miss G. Lately it's been mote of oliver and I walk.
While hubby and muss G ride bikes. Soon I will be back on my bike and join the
family. Its finally getting warm enough outside to do more stuff. I really need
to remember to record my walking in the looseit app.
Dare I ask. . . .
Can this day get any worse. Bad morning with the one daycare kid
I watch this am. Then get home about to work and dumping syndrome starts got to
love pcos NOT. Slipped and fell in the shower bad. Hitting my bad knee again.
Then I get lunch and it's wrong. Ughhhh was looking forward to onion rings. Not
nasty no fries. Get to epic. And they mesaed up the order again. Im ready for
my bed and a big glass of wine/tea something. My hormomes are so out of each.
My hair is now red and gold again. I had it died purple 2 weeka ago. The weird
dreams are back. Its only 1pm what else today god?
Nicole
What do I say.. . . . . I lile her and she's a cool
friend. Just pisses me off and rubs me wrong sometimes. Always talking
how her kids are pissimg her off. How they are assholes and what not. Cant wait
for the week end. So the boys dad can take them. Shit of you don't want your
kids give them to someone else. Shes got life so bad stay at home mom to a
almost 3 year old amd almost 4 year old and a 8 year old all boys. That run the
house. Give them some love and attition. Stop telling at them. Do something
with them. Each to there own on parenting but dang when is enough enough.
So she sold me an embroidery machine last year. Thought it
worked. Spent most of the year borrowing my old one from my other bff cammy.
She saved my ass. Well taxes came for Nicole ahw got bank cause she has 3 kids.
And well bought another machine and supplies And makes you fees like your Crap
that what you have aint good enough. Well umm hello it works just fine for
me. Got the embroidery machine working. Easy fix. I think it was more of
user error than anything.
We both own children's boutiques. Shea 90% boy amd im 90% girl.
We attemted to do shows last year together agreeing om I do girl stuff she does
boy stuff. And we send Each other customers. Boy was that a hugh epic fail. She
started making girl stuff amd taking my cuatomera from my booth. Well almost a.
Year later and we are gonna be doing a few shows together this summer ughhh as
in together she will be doing the same as me. I'm hoping we are not side by
side like last year.
I'm working for amber she's a mom of to funny boys. And the boys
will give ideas I need for boy items to add to my shop. I'm gonna
focus on me and what is beat fpr my business. I will still mostly be 90% girl
stuff thats what I enjoy making.
Goodbye weekend.
Its been a productive weekend. Went dor a walk sat. Miss G and
daddy rode bikes. Oliver (the 🐕) and I
walked. Boy was that east wind so cold. Finally got my room all cleaned up and
laundry put away. Spent half of Sunday morning feeding the 🚽 how much I hate my pcos
medicine. After the dumping stopped I was able to get some orders done. And
stock made. Hubby room miss G for another bike ride. I stayed home to finish
some much needed work. Took oliver for a walk. Amd here we are getting ready to
get dinner started bed time. And bamm Monday will be here. Boy how the weekend
went by so fast.
2019 march is my New year
Well here I am back to blogging. Where here no one knows me no
one can kudge me. No one can get all butt hurt for saying whats on my mind.
So march is my man. March os my month to have a fresh start.
Planner use more. Budgeting more. Walking 3 days a week. Water arobics 2 days a
week. Some how I will make it all work out. Eatting healthier.
Wanma know whats happened since 2016. Well I'm still happily
married we just celebrated 19 years. Miss G is 12 seventh grade and has made
honor roll all of 7th grade talk about a proud mommy
My step daughter in Mexico is pregnant due in the summer. My adopted daughter Nikki gave birth 2 months early to my grandbaby Miah shes so sticking cute miss G and I are in love with her.
My step daughter in Mexico is pregnant due in the summer. My adopted daughter Nikki gave birth 2 months early to my grandbaby Miah shes so sticking cute miss G and I are in love with her.
Business is still going. It's not where I wanted it to be. But I
will get it there. Fighting this depression and anixty one day at a time.
More to come soon.
2016
the last time I cried
this much was May 13-2006 when my grandma left this earth. Im so done fighting
with hubby. It feels like its an everyday battle. I screwed up big, yes i will
admit it, but dang. How many times in the 17 years we have been together has he
screwed up, and hurt me. I felt like driving my truck into a tree tonight. Just
so i could avoid the pain that i feel so much right now. But I have a daughter
that needs her mommy more than anything. What would happen to her?
So Hubby and I where fighting once again about the savings account that is now gone. I took and spent it all, and lied to him about it. I kept that secret in for 2 and a half years, it was so hard at times, but last week i just could not do it anymore. so I broke free and told him. We have been fighting almost daily since last Tuesday when i told him. I know that hes only staying cause A, He has no where else to go, B, hes broke, And C, Cause that is the only way to get his money back. With us not together, that means no more of our daughter with him, and no chance of him getting the money. HE thinks. But we hashed it out hard tonight. While Jen was in t the bath tub we fought more and more, I got the camping gear out, and was gonna sleep on the air bed. He asked what i was doing i told him, im done. I have stood by his side for to long, and I screw up big once and this is the treatment i get, Ya i would be pissed to. But i took that money to take care of our daughter and our family. Something he was slacking. If he was not an alcoholic and spend his paychecks on beer we would still have that money. we talked for a second. I told him I dont want our Daughter to grow up and think its ok to live with someone because they have a kid together, I dont want her to live the life we are, and that it has to stop. That his abuse is just as bad, as the abuse my dad did to me growing up. He agreed. SHOCKER, I told him that if I did not have Jen i would drive my truck into a tree. that im that hurt, and that shes the only thinking hold us on, and it should not be like that anymore. I really hope that this is the last of it, but i know its not. My chest has been hurting so bad this week, from all the stress and fighting.
We have 21 days to come up with Feb rent. No clue whats going to happen with that one. Ive been applying and looking for work, posting and trying to sell everything i can.
Im emotionally done. Im so broken, not sure if i can go on much longer.
I called my therapist tonight and going to try to get that back going again. Ya its been a long 16 months since i last seen her, i was so proud that i had done so much without her, that i have made it this far. But I cant go on anymore. Its time to get some help. I have a nine-year-old that needs her mommy to be well.
So Hubby and I where fighting once again about the savings account that is now gone. I took and spent it all, and lied to him about it. I kept that secret in for 2 and a half years, it was so hard at times, but last week i just could not do it anymore. so I broke free and told him. We have been fighting almost daily since last Tuesday when i told him. I know that hes only staying cause A, He has no where else to go, B, hes broke, And C, Cause that is the only way to get his money back. With us not together, that means no more of our daughter with him, and no chance of him getting the money. HE thinks. But we hashed it out hard tonight. While Jen was in t the bath tub we fought more and more, I got the camping gear out, and was gonna sleep on the air bed. He asked what i was doing i told him, im done. I have stood by his side for to long, and I screw up big once and this is the treatment i get, Ya i would be pissed to. But i took that money to take care of our daughter and our family. Something he was slacking. If he was not an alcoholic and spend his paychecks on beer we would still have that money. we talked for a second. I told him I dont want our Daughter to grow up and think its ok to live with someone because they have a kid together, I dont want her to live the life we are, and that it has to stop. That his abuse is just as bad, as the abuse my dad did to me growing up. He agreed. SHOCKER, I told him that if I did not have Jen i would drive my truck into a tree. that im that hurt, and that shes the only thinking hold us on, and it should not be like that anymore. I really hope that this is the last of it, but i know its not. My chest has been hurting so bad this week, from all the stress and fighting.
We have 21 days to come up with Feb rent. No clue whats going to happen with that one. Ive been applying and looking for work, posting and trying to sell everything i can.
Im emotionally done. Im so broken, not sure if i can go on much longer.
I called my therapist tonight and going to try to get that back going again. Ya its been a long 16 months since i last seen her, i was so proud that i had done so much without her, that i have made it this far. But I cant go on anymore. Its time to get some help. I have a nine-year-old that needs her mommy to be well.
Welcome to 2016 This is
going to be my year. well dont we all say that one? But im going to bust my
butt and make this my year. I will no longer be posting
on Facebook about whats going on in my life. Its to much
drama.
2016 I’m going to work on losing my first 100 pounds, get www.facebook.com/genevievesboutique up and running better, and get Etsy www.etsy.com/shop/genevieveboutique running and make it so that I can live off that income. 2015 was a bad year for Genevieves boutique I slacked so much with it. I thought that my depression was under control. boy was i wrong. So many things happened in 2015. I got a few big eye openers, and learned you cant trust your friends.
I screwed up big, and kept a big secret from my husband of 17 years. I help that secret in for over 2 years. It was so hard to do at times, but it came out full force on Tuesday. he was so made and angry with me. I screwed up big. He said that we are done but guess what here we are Thursday two days later and hes still here. I think he loves me. LOL No really, I’m one lucky girl to have him in my life. It feels good to get that secret out, and no i did not cheat on him. Just messed up bad.
I have an amazing daughter, shes nine WOW where did the time go. shes my world. I have pcos and as told that I would never become a mom, due to many issues. But hey after 7 long years of tests, trying, exams, and much more I got my Blessing July 2016.
I started blogging again, so that I can get things off my chest, and post without having to worry about others, getting hurt about what i need to express. A place for me to vent.
2016 I’m going to work on losing my first 100 pounds, get www.facebook.com/genevievesboutique up and running better, and get Etsy www.etsy.com/shop/genevieveboutique running and make it so that I can live off that income. 2015 was a bad year for Genevieves boutique I slacked so much with it. I thought that my depression was under control. boy was i wrong. So many things happened in 2015. I got a few big eye openers, and learned you cant trust your friends.
I screwed up big, and kept a big secret from my husband of 17 years. I help that secret in for over 2 years. It was so hard to do at times, but it came out full force on Tuesday. he was so made and angry with me. I screwed up big. He said that we are done but guess what here we are Thursday two days later and hes still here. I think he loves me. LOL No really, I’m one lucky girl to have him in my life. It feels good to get that secret out, and no i did not cheat on him. Just messed up bad.
I have an amazing daughter, shes nine WOW where did the time go. shes my world. I have pcos and as told that I would never become a mom, due to many issues. But hey after 7 long years of tests, trying, exams, and much more I got my Blessing July 2016.
I started blogging again, so that I can get things off my chest, and post without having to worry about others, getting hurt about what i need to express. A place for me to vent.
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